zig a zig awkward

It’s no secret I love to revisit my awkward adolescence. But I never asked to spend a Saturday in my 30s standing in front of a group of girls, feeling mildly embarrassed while the Spice Girls played.

Yet that’s where I found myself last month: inside an art studio, at an eight-year-old’s birthday party (my daughter’s) moderating a high pressure conversation about the next song that should play on the speaker. We’d started the party listening to the “Matilda: The Musical” soundtrack¹, moved on to “Anti-hero” (you haven’t lived until you’ve heard a chorus of tiny off-key voices sing “sometimes I feel like everybody is a sexy baby” while painting a puppy paw print on a canvas) and now we were at a standstill.

“How about ‘Wannabe’?” I suggested to Rue. She had recently watched Diary of a Wimpy Kid (which —help — is the SECOND thing we’ve watched where Alicia Silverstone plays the parent of a teen²) In the movie, Alicia Silverstone and her fictional family sing "Wannabe” on a road trip, and as everyone knows, that song is catchy as fuck and Rue was hardly immune. We proceeded to listen to it for approximately the next 48 hours straight. I explained the concept of the Spice Girls and she immediately sorted herself and her friends into the different personas. She was a fan. In our house, the Spice Girls were cool.

So as the familiar opening notes of Wannabe filled up the cozy art studio, three of us perked up: me, Yoni, and the art studio owner.

But something was wrong — the effervescence of the song wasn’t hitting like it usually did. As I landed the perfect lip sync on that first zigazigah, I looked around and realized that every single one of Rue’s friends was staring at me in varying expressions of disinterest and horror. Rue looked around at her friends and immediately changed her face to match, even though 48 hours earlier she had declared herself Sporty Spice and begged me to let her stay up late to watch the “Wannabe” video one last time.

We changed the song.

I don’t particularly care if my eight-year-old daughter and her friends find me “cool.” But listen: real-time confirmation that the pop culture that defined your adolescence is completely, unequivocally, irrelevant? It hurts!!

And there’s something else.

I truly hated being a tween (I know, I know, you can always count on me for entirely original thoughts!!) and when I think back on the worst of times, I see a girl who had no real personality of her own, no real style of her own, no real opinions of her own — because she was constantly changing herself to try to fit in. Thankfully I grew out of that (despite feeling like an awkward 12-year-old in many other ways to this day). So I had thought that maybe I was a shining example of a person who didn’t care what others thought, who has their own very distinct personality. I was such a strong role model for my daughter.

Then I watched her completely erase her own preference as a response to what her friends were doing.

Maybe this is normal. It probably is. But that doesn’t mean it’s not going to send me spiraling!

Anyway, all that to say, breaking news, the Spice Girls are no longer cool.

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Other things my eight-year-old would probably not find cool:

The podcast Free Period, hosted by Alana Haim and Sasha Spielberg, is all about being an awkward 12-year-old. Yes, it’s hard to believe that the daughter of Steven Spielberg had a similar adolescent experience to moi, someone who did NOT appear in The Terminal (2004) but DID wander around the neighborhood carrying a camcorder, but hey — [daughters of] stars! they’re just like us! Anyway, two of my favorite episodes are the one with Dolly Alderton and the one with Steven Spielberg.

The fashion explored in the book Kingdom of Prep: The Inside Story of the Rise and (Near) Fall of J Crew. I loved this look back at the clothes I was only allowed to buy on sale — and highly recommend following the instagram account @lostjcrew while you read.

Remember Everything But the Girl? And I miss yoooou…like the deserts miss the rain?! Their new song is nostalgic simply because their voices sound exactly the same — but their sound is updated in a way that reminds me of The XX. (Also the lyric “kiss me while the world decays” would absolutely have made its way to my AIM away message.) Other Late 1900s music news: this Florence and the Machine cover of “Just A Girl”. Both of these discoveries brought to you by my 7 minute commute to elementary school drop-off listening to my local indie radio station (shoutout 89.3 the current love you!!!)

Things my eight-year-old MIGHT find cool:

My foray into facial contouring: Rue is starting to be interested in make up (in more of a "let’s play pop star” kind of way, not the “I need to fix my face” kind of way, although I’m sure despite my best interests she will get there soon) so she may be interested in the fact that for some reason, I decided that 1 week postpartum (oh yeah I had a baby) was a good time to learn how to contour after watching this video. It takes me maybe 3 and a half minutes and I can kind of see a difference?! I use this concealer, this contour stick, and this blush (I like it but I bought it because of the name: cheekslime.)

Rat Rule 79: We both liked reading this very weird Alice in Wonderland-esque book together, but she would probably like it less if she realized how touching I found the mother-daughter message.

Things my eight year old does find cool:

Chokers. She and her friends are obsessed with the same stretchy chokers I used to buy at Claire’s or Gadzooks in my Spice Girls days (don’t tell them I found them cool, or the plastic choker industry will fully collapse.)

GARBAGE. Holy shit, does this kid love garbage (think actual trash, not Shirley Manson.) Amazon boxes, toilet paper rolls, empty tissue boxes, you name it, she wants it. Her and her friends have a grand plan to make piggy banks out of tissue boxes and sell them to raise money for the animal shelter (why are children such fearless entrepreneurs? Bless them.) I got her this book to support her in her garbage craft endeavors, and together we made a giant pizza oven out of cardboard.

Squishmallows. I have to wade through an ankle deep sea of Squishmallows to get to her bed.

Judy Blume! We’re currently working our way through Judy Blume’s Fudge series at bedtime. I can’t wait to read Just As Long As We’re Together, my favorite Judy Blume book, with her (although I probably need to reread to prepare myself for how many potential embarrassing moments we’ll encounter)

Stealing my favorite pencils to draw girls in dresses, after our next door neighbor (who is in fashion school) taught her how.

1. have you SEEN these kids dance?!

2. it should be noted that alicia silverstone is ACTUALLY the parent of a teen