Screentime & Despair #2
Somehow this is about zippers
I'm just going to say it: WE'RE ALL USING THE WORD QUARANTINE WRONG.
Technically most of us are just social distancing—we're only quarantining if we've been knowingly exposed to someone with COVID.
Okay wow that feels good to get off my chest. I'm not mad about it, per se. I'm saying it, too. "I could really go for a social distance cocktail" doesn't really roll off the tongue the way "quarantini" does, you know?
I feel like that kid you knew in high school who, anytime you asked for a Kleenex, was like "ACTUALLY IT'S A TISSUE, KLEENEX IS A BRAND NAME." (Honestly I think I might use that next time my daughter asks for a Band-Aid, since we are now out of brand-name bandages after she spent an afternoon literally giving herself paper cuts to score fresh Elsa "stickers." I'm sorry to say that I'm a sucker and it worked, but I felt bad for her because Elsa is truly her only friend at the moment who exists outside of Zoom.)
Speaking of that kid you knew in high school, my brain just coughed up a memory—one of those memories I wish my mind would just LET GO OF to make room for something useful like "how electricity works." (It turns out I'm not good at explaining simple facts to a five year old.)
It happened in the breezeway before the first bell. I was talking to some boy I didn't think I deserved to talk to, and I was close enough to see the zipper on his fleece pullover (SOMEONE CALL THE CDC.)
"Your sweatshirt must be from the Gap!" I said. I had recently caught on that Cool Kids shopped at the Gap, and was dipping my toe into its preppy waters. The guy looked confused.
"Because your zipper says YKK," I explained proudly, "and my zipper says YKK and my sweatshirt is from the Gap."
He looked at me like I was an idiot. "I'm pretty sure the zipper company is YKK."
Excuse me for not having heard of the world's foremost zipper manufacturer Yoshida Kogyo Kabushikikaisha, BRAD.
(Don't worry—I've been diligently stalking his instagram just WAITING for him to call it a quarantine. Because this MATTERS. Now more than ever.)
Connect: Apparently people are bringing back the chain letter? Two of my favorite podcasters talked a little about it on their (delightful) daily Instagram live. I loathe chain letters, but at the same time I'm offended that I've only received one recipe exchange letter, from an e-mail address I don't recognize?! I'm curious if anyone has sent a successful chain letter, where they received 36 recipes or whatever, and then actually discovered their new favorite?
Click: You've probably heard about dalgona coffee by now, but as someone who hates coffee unless my local coffeeshop adds eight syrups, three alternative milks, and a dusting of cinnamon and calls it a Springtime in Paris, I AM A FAN. I'm also curious how the whole world hadn't already figured this out?? It seems so simple. This is how I felt when workout studios got very big on "Madonna arms" in like 2010 (anyone else remember this?) It was literally just moving your arms back and forth and in a circle. Humans have had arms forever! If this was truly going to make my arms look amazing, someone would have figured it out by now!
Read: I'm in the middle of the clever and wonderful memoir No One Will Tell You This But Me and I've cried multiple times, but at least it wasn't about the pandemic!! (No seriously it would be great even if I didn't need constant distraction.)
Five minutes of kid entertainment: Add dusters to your next grocery delivery order. Nothing has made my daughter happier than riding around on my shoulders dusting the top of our window frames. Every day. They've never been cleaner. And maybe it counts as a workout?
Thank you so much for reading! Need book recommendations? Or have a tip to keep your kid entertained for five minutes? What's the weirdest chain letter you've received? Just reply to this e-mail!